A disciplined, high achiever; structured, reliable and diligent. However 30 years of carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders and I seem to have become allergic to all the aforementioned behavioural patterns. Finally a wise man confirms and supports my hypothesis and recommends I live life like an artist, that I ‘live life whimsically’.
My heart knows I need to find a path in life where I’m not killing my soul. I have had enough faith to follow my heart and to start taking steps on the road less travelled. Sometimes though my faith falters, my old conditioning taunts me calling me lazy and unreliable. While I wear the banner of chronic fatigue I’m still safe, still ‘allowed’ to live outside societal expectations; but what happens if I’m not tired anymore? Do I have the courage to not be tired and still live a life according to what is authentic to me and my wellbeing? Do I have the courage to allow myself to ebb and flow like the tide?
Faith in my own wisdom has got me so far. Now to be ‘seen’ by another, a spiritual teacher whose wisdom I respect, felt like receiving a drink of water when I was gasping of thirst. ‘Living life whimsically’ is the path I can take to move forward. To play in life and enjoy it’s mysteries; to follow the winds, to dance in the rains; to embrace my nature and my inconsistencies.
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