Scared of life like monsters under the bed

How quickly life turns. Just a few short days ago I was marvelling at the experience of flowing with the rhythm of life. Today I feel as if my legs are kicking against the current, desperate to stay here and not move to the next stage of my metaphorical river. The river is about to turn and I’m not sure what’s around the corner.

The safety of my little beach hut and the small new family I have gathered around me is drawing to an end. Separation anxiety is gently gripping my solar plexus (and at times not so gently). I remind myself often that support is ever present, I will not abandon myself, the universe will never abandon me. No matter who shifts or comes and goes in my life I can trust in a greater power.

“Loneliness is a sign you are in desperate need of yourself”  ~ Rupi Kaur

Today I rented a moped and ventured out on my own two wheels onto the Indian country roads. The roads weren’t what scared me; what scared me was life. As I drove along I wondered what this life thing is all about; not an uncommon thought, but nevertheless always an uncomfortable one once triggered.
With the warm wind on my hands and face I drove. An indian riverside area caught my imagination and I made a stop; home to fishing boats, palm trees and myriads of crazy looking crabs who dive into their holes as soon as I come close. The scattered rows of small native houses and huts line the road. The vibrant Goan colours in the paintwork of the houses, purples, oranges, blues. A soft looking Indian lady wrapped in her colourful sari walks by with a large bundle of firewood slung under her arm. She greets me happily, we exchange some pleasantries, despite the language barrier it is clear we both wish each other well and are happy to be greeting one another. Everywhere people going about their small tasks and chores. Me looking to find some beauty in the landscape, to experience some local atmosphere.

But what is all this for? I believe the answer is largely in the question asked; that is to keep seeing life outside my little bubble and expose myself to uncomfortable questions such as these. I am embarking on a nomadic life for the very purpose of taking myself out of my comfort zone to find out where that might lead me. I expect the uncomfortable and the scary, but when it comes I feel resistance. I hope and imagine that the more times I dare to expose myself to my fears the more experience I will gain that I can and do overcome them. Fears wont cease to exist but my I will be more certain in my belief that they are only as real as the monsters a child believes to be under the bed.

I set my intention to welcome the uncomfortable and the scary. I do not know what might evolve from the unknown, quite simply because it is unknown.

“Maybe it wont work out. But maybe seeing if it does will be the best adventure ever”
~ unknown

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