Isn’t it so often the case, You’ve made that decision to make a big change in your life, to leave your job, or your home town. Long awaited, to shake things up. And as the date approaches things start to blossom that have never blossomed before. People turn up, opportunities come knocking, old friends resurface.
Making a big life change is scary, it takes guts. To give up what you know for something entirely unpredictable is what many people dream of, but I understand entirely why these ideas often do not come into fruition. It’s bloody scary. But once you have made that decision, really committed to that decision then a shift occurs in your energy. People around you feel that, somehow you are vibrating on a higher frequency and that’s exciting. I think that’s why interesting things start to happen just before a major life change.
I’ve dreamed many years of taking an extended trip, really allowing each day to bring exactly what it will. I have heard that having no agenda and being open to saying yes to the universe allows new energy, people, ideas and opportunities into ones life. That’s what people in all the inspirational articles and quotes write about. This is what makes my spark for life light up. What if I could dare to try that too? What would turn up in my life? I’m not happy and not even well in my life as it is, in a western city with all the city expectations and norms. I’ve asked myself for years ‘does life really have to be like this?’.
I believe it is possible to create a different way to live, but I don’t know how that might look, it’s something new so of course outside my current experience bank. I don’t think its possible for me to find that ‘different’ by staying put and doing more or less what I’ve been doing until now. Perhaps to find my new direction will require moving, finding new people, new ways to negotiate life’s practical issues (finding food, and a roof over my head). Perhaps it just requires a new outlook, a shift in the way I interact with life. Perhaps I’ll land back where I started, or maybe thousands of miles away.
I’m under no illusions that this choice is an easy one, but I don’t see another option for myself, or at least the other option feels akin to my own emotional suicide. Far from running away from myself I’m pretty sure I will be running head long into myself, into my deepest darkest corners. In these corners I expect to find both scary monsters as well as the fun, loving and creative parts of myself. Unlocking doors works both ways, we let out some powerful things that we have kept hidden and buried, both the beautiful and the ugly.
In the first stage of my trip I will be heading back to my homeland, England, Albion. After 11 years living in Sweden I’m going to see how it feels to be there again. Spending time with family, seeing old friends, reacquainting myself with everything I remember from before and being shocked at all the new things I have missed. Realising that I’m not really British any more.
I will have the opportunity to revisit and heal loose emotional ends that I left over a decade ago. My home town where I got to be a child with all that it entails, loosing my Dad at a young age, the road where my parents had their tragic car accident, the grave yard, the walking routes I used to share with my first love – an enormous long haired german shepherd, the school where I excelled in my studies despite, or perhaps because of, the challenges of my early life. Where I struggled with friendships but today still have my oldest friend from that time who’s wedding actually will mark the beginning of my trip.
I have made the commitment to be away from my apartment for 6 months, it’s now rented out with contracts signed. After 2 months in England my plan is to go backpacking in India. Here’s where my true adventure will begin. Completely unknown territory. I already have quite a list of contacts, places and volunteer projects where I can go, but the whole point is: no agenda, trust, listen and follow the grooves of life that I don’t have to dig myself.
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