I refuse to reposition myself on the nail.

A year ago my body and soul screamed “STOP”.

Well I suppose it started a lot longer than a year ago, probably with a whisper, a few polite nudges. ‘You are tired’. ‘You need to rest’. But in the end it left no room for manoeuvre or avoidance. I was out of function, emotionally and physically. Burned out and clinically depressed.

This has been the most wonderful opportunity of my life. 

Complete rest, complete possibility for introspection, taking stock, letting go of all the outer baggage that was my life. I realised quite quickly I didn’t want to put myself back into the life I had been living. But what new life I was to create was, is still somewhat of a mystery.

Now nearly a year later I feel ready to dare to start rebuilding my life. Despite my earlier conviction that my old life was not right for me I was amazed to find that I was contemplating going back to my old job. I thought I could start part time, just to get some stability, find my feet, and when I’m stronger…. then I can start to delve into that new life I would rather build. Fortunately I stumbled upon this clip by Prince EA

He beautifully retells the following story originally by Les Brown in his book ‘Live Your Dreams’

‘There was a young man walking down the street and happened to see a old man sitting on his porch. Next to the old man was his dog, who was whining and whimpering. The young man asked the old man “What’s wrong with your dog” The old man said “He’s laying on a nail”. The young man asked “Laying on a nail?, Well why doesn’t he get up?” The old man then replied “It’s not hurting bad enough.”’

We live a life that we know not to be fulfilling out greatest potential, a life that even in many cases makes us sick, emotionally or physically. But it does not make us sick enough, or sad enough, or unfulfilled enough for us actually to take the step to radically change the situation. So we might change small things, take small side steps. Get up, take a break, wiggle around, then sit back down …. on the nail.

So in my weak moments in the last couple of months when I’ve contemplated going back to my old job, staying in the apartment I’ve lived in for 9 years, the comfort of the known, my mantra has been:  ‘I refuse to reposition myself on the nail’.

“When you become comfortable with uncertainty, infinite possibilities open up in your life.”   ~ Eckhart Tolle

 

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